A lady told me that she is looking out for two qualities in a partner (that special guy).

Able to make her feel happy, comfortable and make her feel proud of him.

I look back at the three qualities required in a man (emotional, physical, financial) and I asked myself, which have I fulfilled

I be frank (to myself) that I have neither 2 (physical) or 3 (financial). As for 1 (Emotional), I think I just got an average B grade. I am definitely not an A grade “student”, but definitely not a C grade student who is insensitive to a girl’s need. At least I open the doors for every women I date. I am courteous, respectful, sensitive, pay for the meals, movie tickets and for some women, their taxi ride home. I try to listen, share my feelings honestly. That is why I am often stuck in the friend zone. When I say friend I literally mean women whom I know for at least 2 years not 2 nights, so I am definitely not superficial. Yes, I am your type of “losers” who get to change her light bulbs,  maybe get to play with her dog, repair her computer while she sleep on another men’s bed last night. =) Useless? Yup, I admit it, but at least I have a clear conscience till to this date. Like an average B grade student, I didn’t buy my “degree” from a degree mill or buy into a girl’s heart or her body. I earned all my friendship through sheer hard work, sincerity, like a student who burn midnight oil, sacrificing holidays and dinner so as to complete his/her assignments.

So I really don’t have much to make her (or my future partner) feel proud but I do have many things which I can myself feel proud of.

HEALTHWISE

Lets go back to 1999 – Entering the army.

I wasn’t a healthy man right from the beginning. I didn’t make it for physical proficiency test. When I joined the army (compulsory for all Singaporean men), I was lucky to get a “pass”, but guess I probably did too much bad things in my past life. I got injured with acute sinus infection & later pneumonia. I didn’t give up despite my poor constitution. I trained hard for 1 year and finally got a pass (again), follow by bronze and silver… and got injured again in 2002 (bronchitis). =)

I am learning meditation now and hopefully my health can improve again. I hope to pick up Yoga and Qi Gong.

I have also tried health supplements. You named it, I have tried taking health products from MLM like Elken, Intra, PrimeLife, Nuskin, etc… Commercial products like Ensure plus, etc.

Our body can deteriorate with time just as beauty fades as women age. All women would definitely want to have a man who can appreciate them for who they are not just their physical body.

I have decided to focus on my internal beauty and to be more serious in my spiritual practises because that is a sure way to true happiness. Your most beautiful wife (or husband) will one day leave you (be it death or sickness or change).

Ultimately we have to learn how to be truly happy alone, independent and spiritual elevation/growth is the only way out of “suffering”. Its only right to say say that the person everyone else love most is themselves, so we cannot expect others to love us for ourselves.

EMOTIONAL/RELATIONSHIP ASPECTS

I never stop trying. Every failure, every relationship, every meeting is a chance for me to learn and to grow. To learn how to truly love and embrace myself unconditionally for who I am and what I want out of this life. To embrace and understand the world external to me which is forever changing and which I have absolutely no control over. This is because if you don’t even know how to love myself, how can you say you know how to love others? How can you expect others to know how to love you? Love is a constant two way exchange, its not purely just giving, it is also about learning how to receive. Its also not purely just taking but learning to find joy through giving and investing. Its like growing a plant and taking care of a baby.

As I improve myself, I attract better quality women with more beautiful hearts, because we are who we attract.

One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Just as a woman should find a man who embrace her fully for who she is, so should a man. If he can accept and embrace (tolerate) her dark side (weakness) then he deserves her when she is at her best (strength). The same vice versa. You don’t need to make a woman (or a man – for female readers) feel proud of you, you simply just find one who CAN without needing you to make much effort. When you find her (or him), loves her and don’t let her go. She won’t go too.

FINANCIAL/CAREER ASPECTS

I graduated with a Diploma in Information Studies from Temasek Polytechnic in 2002. Took me 6 years to reach my dream to work in a non-profit organization AND to become a system support in 2008. I like to help people with their computers. I always want to serve for a non-profit organization for a bigger cause. It is always what I wanted to do. Unfortunately I left after 2 years when my supervisor and manager left due to office politics.

Disillusioned I try to do my own business for a second time in 2010. Single-handedly I set up an IT maintenance contract company. I also planned two dating events with a premier dating agency and a government ministry. Its not a usual dating event but the first in the world. It involves Lego bricks (bet you never heard of it), much planning and logistics work. We barely scrapped through for the first but did exceptionally well for the second. The participants had a lot of fun (during our 2nd attempt). One of the participant is still my friend now.

My friend & I have tried to set up classes to teach children polymer clay craft works and allow parents to use this as family bonding event.

I did everything I can lay my hands on. Selling anti-radiation charcoal, USB drive, educational CDs to Cat rings.

Despite persuading 20 people to push eSATAp, I managed to convince only one person — myself and I managed to do it. One of my most successful venture (of a larger scale) I managed to even attract the attention of foxconn (the OEM manufacter for Apple, Sony, HP and Microsoft. I managed to sell over 100 units of eSATAp peripheral in a very competitive IT marketplace.

This year alone, I manage to generate up to SGD3000 worth of value in donation to a local cats & dogs welfare home.

I never stopped trying. I know one day I will sure find a way to breakthrough. I understand how it feels to be weak, hopeless, useless and poor that is why I want to find a way to help the poor and weak and in a world filled with large powerful giants.

With this, I hope may all sentient beings be well and happy for Year 2012.

A lady told me that she is looking out for two qualities in a partner (that special guy).

Able to make her feel happy, comfortable and make her feel proud of him.

I discovered that women need three basic things to be fulfilled in a relationship. If you have at least one trait or quality, you can attract a woman. If you have more than one, you can hold her attention for a longer time. Three, she would probably be married to you. (Guys, lets keep an open mind and not judge).

1) Emotional/Spiritual security/comfort

Able to make her laugh, feel good about herself, listen to her without making any judgement or expectations fall under this category. This is basically your character, who you are, that she like/love/embrace.

2) Physical security/comfort

Handsome tall, wide shoulder, strong men falls under here. Although physical attributes alone is not enough, women have and are willing to pay for sex if a man has these characteristics. One night flings at clubs, pubs, discos, escorts, gigolo, have these qualities that can captivate a woman to even “pay” for it.

3) Financial security/comfort

Men who are highly successful in their career and life falls under these category. Personal achievements in sports or competitions are under here too.

========

Ever wonder why women had affairs or change of heart despite their husband being rich? (not uncommon, just search in Google). Her husband probably can’t give quality number 1 (emotional) and 2 (physical). The same applies to a man who only has quality number 1 (emotional), but doesn’t have 2 and 3. He probably is her best friend, there for her when her jerk boyfriend abuse her, change her light bulb, repair her computer and after a week, he found out she is sleeping on another jerk’s bed again. Again not uncommon just Google. So ideally to keep a woman interested, you need to have at least all three fulfilled (or at least have 2).

Lets face it, we have panels of excellent men (& women) behind the government that caused the Euro Crisis. We have recession almost every 3 years (now with each growth getting shorter) and two Harvard MBAs that drove GM (General Motors) to bankruptcy. So we are all really no different, al-right?

If you are a Christian, there is a saying too:

“I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”Matthew 19:23-24

In Buddhism there are also many seemingly “nobody” who became great somebody. People like you typical granny or grandpa, so please respect all beings for what they are going to share with you.

Everyone has valuable insights. Sometimes people on the “outside” can see our own personal flaws and faults. I am also blind to my own flaws and need others to tell me. So if you are ready, I shall share some secrets (insights) which I have discovered in the last 3 years of observing couples, my personal experiences and reading other people’s stories (their experiences).

Firstly, I just want to share that its not just men who are unfaithful (infidelity), women too have done so. (No offence – links below)

I am not doing a blame game here. My point is that, if you are not paying enough attention to her (or him), to love her, to embrace her and to follow up with her changes, someone else will. Same applies to your men. Remember its not YOUR relationship, its not HIS/HERs, its WE (You both).

1) Be honest, be who you are right from the START. Know your style.

Yes, you can change, but you can NEVER be someone else. A dog who try to be like a cat (hey there is one on YouTube) ultimately can never be a cat and the sad part is that in the end he doesn’t make a good dog. So be yourself. Know who you really are. You can change to improve on your strengths and reduce your weakness, but ultimately know who you are.

IF your partner loves you, he/she will ACCEPT you for who you are right from the BEGINNING, not the images your partner has in his/her head, cos remember, you can never be the same as his/her images no matter how hard you try. This is for men (or women) who wonder why their partners have changed? Remember the saying that a leopard cannot change its spots? So be yourself from the START from the beginning when you chase her (or him). Don’t regret if she (or him) ask for a REFUND later, when your partner discover you aren’t really “up to it”. You live up to YOUR standard al-right? So you can grow better and EASIER in your own comfortable ways.

2) Sharing the same VALUES.

Yes, true many things can change but often our values do not. Yes, we could become more open, kinder, wiser, but our deep innate values do not change that easily. Values like how we treat other people, how we like others to treat us, what we perceive to be important. Many years ago, I can give up EVERYTHING I have for the women I love. I value life, family and relationship over money. Today I have realised the importance of money. I know that without money, even non-profit and religious organisations cannot do many things. My view on money has changed but I will NEVER sacrifice my woman, family and friends for money. When I say friends I mean those who are beside you when you are low, down and out.

3) Keeping up with the CHANGE. Communicate, ask, observe, listen.

Sometimes its not just your partner who has changed sometimes its also you who have changed. Actually BOTH of you are always changing. She may now be sick of what she loves to eat 3 months ago. (She probably ate too much when there was a discount). He probably now wants to learn meditation and have less “physical” intimacy. Love is not just money, gifts, time, physical touch, services, care, concern, respect, commitment, ALONE. Its actually more than the the sum of all parts mentioned above PLUS commitment to keep up with this change in any of its parts. The value given to each parts.

4) She(or He) is NOT an option. Don’t take your partner for granted. Be grateful.

The problem with today’s society is that we have TOO much choices. Social experiments have been done to prove that when there are too many choices, consumers became confused. So the same applies to relationship. Remember that be grateful. Treasure each other like precious pearl on hand (Yes, there are diamond and gold out there), but everyone is UNIQUE okay?. Yes he (or she) may not be the most perfect guy (or girl), but at least in his/her eyes, YOU ARE THE PERFECT one. Isn’t that sweet?

So with these, may I wish all couples in this world to have longer lasting, HEALTHY, SPIRITUAL relationship. Treasure each other, al-right?

5) Relationship has to be TWO ways (right from the start).

If you are chasing too hard or being chased too hard, it is not healthy. Move on, find someone who appreciate you for who you are AND one who appreciate you for your effort. Ultimately you just need ONE, so find who who is TRULY compatible with you (RIGHT from the start), then COMMIT.

========
Links
========
http://bbs.suobao8.com/thread-151914-1-1.html?sid=88CqB7

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader217.html

I am not a “shopping” person. I am also fairly “happy” with my life here. I can simply relax/distress by going to parks and meditate. I can “learn” and gain valuable insights to life simply by observing a little snail or red ant. Humbly speaking, I have not even fully discover my dear “Singapore”. The wise man will tell you, you can never walk the same road the same way twice. (Okay enough of my excuses).

Recently I do have a strong, emotional “compelling” reason to go to some places and here is a list.

===========
Thailand
===========

Were you thinking of Pattaya? No, I am not that kind. What can be more exciting than LIFE-SIZE dinosaurs!

Land is freaking precious in Singapore. Fitting a dinosaur is already out of the question, you don’t just get ONE dinosaur in Kalasin Park, you get an entire village! Wow. There are also Siridorn museum (more dinosaurs) and Phu Wang museum (some more dinosaurs). The distances between these three places are 30KM apart!

I am so excited.

=========================
Miniatur Wunderland from Hamburg
=========================

The amount of hard word really touches my heart. 500,000 working hours! 136 years to do this alone!

http://www.miniatur-wunderland.com/

Everyone has a soft spot, now you know my soft spot is in Dinosaurs, Egyptians, Museums and Miniatures.

Oh yes, did I forget to add

Those BIG Museums all over US.

Have you ever asked, why have you given so much, yet you are not achieving your goals (being successful, rich and/or a better relationship)? This is because the “Law” of Dislike and the Law of Attraction (like) are actually two sides of the same coin. Each will cancel out each other.

There is actually a Part 2 to the Law of Attraction. Part 2 is that we also have to REDUCE and stop our dislike at the same time.

Why? Let me tell you my REAL testimony.

Recently a colleague has expressed unhappiness with me ((through another colleague) that I have been posting religious materials on Facebook. I had also made the mistakes of criticising other religious viewpoints which I disagree with. This matter occurred almost 2 months ago, but have taught me an important lesson that took me almost 15 years to realise.

When I look back I realised its not the action, not the teaching, nor myself(personal) that caused this unhappiness. It is actually just simply a reaction of Karma.

Why do I say that? Yes, I like people to post Buddhist teachings and gratitude messages on Facebook. Yet at the same time, I too had been offended when I saw other people talking about Christianity. I too had been offended when I saw other people showing their gratitude for God and Christianity. So it is only natural that as a Karma reaction, that when I did the same (being grateful of godS and Buddhism), someone else would also feel offended.

How can this knowledge help you both in business, relationship & life?

All teachings are actually “empty”. (万法皆空，因果不空). They are merely just spoken words on paper. Its neither the teaching, the act (of “kindness”) nor the person (don’t take things personally), but merely a reaction. If I have been more supportive or open towards other religion when someone else did the same, I believe the results would have been different, I believe if someone else did the same action, it would also have been different, provided that person is very open & embracing.

Many motivational speakers and leaders have said. Whatever you “like”, give it to others, whatever you dislike, do not do it to others. Above lessons have taught me ONE more point. Like and dislike are actually inter-related. The key to practising/finding happiness lies in “reducing” what we dislike, because even if you “give” , others will still not be “happy” to receive, because there is something that makes you “unhappy”/dislike, thus others will not receive. The less you dislike, the more you can like and the more you can like, the more you can give to receive (what makes you happy).

What I am just trying to say is that like and dislike is actually two sides of the same coin, like a Tai-Chi Circle. They are actually the same thing.

I am able to do this patiently because I know how. Thus

knowledge (how), wisdom(why) & experience (where) are important. All these empower one to handle problems effectively.

Have fun learning & never be afraid to face challenges. All challenges help us to grow, to face more challenges.

http://seagirlliuhui.bokee.com/5435006.html

我们女人成天在感叹对男人失望的同时，而当今男人何曾一样不是对我们女人失望。难道不是吗？对于女人，男人更多的是心惊胆寒与惧怕。怕自己满足不了他们的要求，怕自己不够强大，不够势力，不够讨女人欢心，怕自己过于懦弱被女人看不起。

现在的女人在男人眼里个个都是最厉害的角色。就如男人总怀疑女人接近自己的目的与动机一样。总觉得女人都喜欢玩游戏，都喜欢玩浪漫与风花雪夜，都喜欢追求华而不实的东西，都喜欢扮演高贵与优雅。

于是乎男人在女人的游戏里学会伪装，学会了老练，学会了深层，学会了圆滑与世故，学会了很多东西。就如很多男人都说自己在年轻的时候给予不了女人任何爱情，给予不了女人任何承诺。于是当他们有能力给予女人一切所想要得到的东西之后，才发觉当年的美人以迟暮，当年的自己也不再是那位翩翩少年。

男人们在失望之余，也渐渐的在游戏与放荡中，学会了一个所谓成功男人与美丽女人们之间的交易，成了彼此解决寂寞的依靠与法宝，成了一种道德与社会伦理的背弃与挑战，成了很多男男女女浪迹人生的信条。在酒精与美女的迷幻中，男人的心理是惧怕的，也是胆怯的。

现在的男人和什么样的女人都玩得起，就是玩不起责任，因为他们不仅仅怕戴帽子，更怕责任二字背后的自由与尊严的战争。

已婚男人无论怎么玩，脑袋上还有根绳子栓着。所以他们势必胆小怕事，势必瞻前顾后，势必懂得适可而止。而未婚男人无所谓，同居就同居，上床就上床，他自己最多损失几个钱，还带来自己身心愉悦，何乐而不为呢？

现在男人是乎责任感都不强，或者称为没有责任。不是男人不想负责。而是有的女人一样的玩的逍遥，他们压根就把男人当做了玩具，他们喜欢玩男人。

男人何尝不对女人失望，失望于其的过往，失望于其的现在，更不知道如何渴望与期许于女人的未来。甚至有的男人说：现在想找个女人跟自己生孩子都难，别提爱情了。

随着社会的更替时代的进步，女人对美丽与身材的追求，已经达到了一种病态。总觉得自己不够美，不够瘦，更别说生小孩发胖的事情。也许女人担心自己没有魅力，也许女人担心男人变心。其实真正爱你的男人，他们何曾在乎这些？每个人都会变老，变丑？

有的男人对于女人来说是钱袋，是口袋，是衣食父母，是刷卡机，不然男人还可以扮演什么角色？男人唯一可以得到的除了肉体欢愉以外，是乎什么都得不到。当原始资本成为女人交际与谋生的手段时，这样的女人在男人眼里也同样危险。

他们不敢再和这样的女人谈爱情，也不敢和这样的女人谈什么未来与现在。男人所能给予女人的是义务与责任，女人所能给予男人的又是什么呢？是不满与不信任。

男人对女人失望，也许他们对自己都绝望，也许他们也讨厌哪个放荡的自己，也痛恨哪个沾花惹草的自己，而他们不做这些，又怎么去吃透女人的内心？又怎么去诱惑女人呢？说到底，他们对自己也很模糊，也很没底气。

所以他们对女人失望，他们自己也不知道自己如何去讨自己心爱的人欢心，让心爱的女人满意，他们自己活得也累，压力也大，也没时间跟女人们玩游戏，更没时间与耐心去了解女人，也许就这样过日子，他们也觉得挺不错。

有时在想，男人挣钱为了什么？车子，房子，女人？还是他们自己缺乏安全感与自信？或者他们所挣的一切，仅仅是为了一个值得他们全部付出己有的女人？然而这样的女人要么自己把自己装扮的过于强大，要么脾气不好，要么经常不给男人面子，久而久之，男人的本性又出来了。

我承认追逐与利益是人的本性，男人与女人实质没有什么太大的区别，女人的现实在于他们对自己未来的不确定，对自己人生的模糊定位。所以他们想找强大男人做依靠。男人的现实，在于他们对自己的心目中的公主期许过高，对自己的要求过于松懈，所以他们也在自己折磨自己。

假如男人与女人都用公平的法则去对待彼此的爱情与承诺，也许这个世上爱情的悲剧会更少一些，和谐会更多一些，人与人之间的温暖会更广博一些。

Level 1 – 想得到，却不愿付出 （不需要谈）

Level 2 – 付出，希望她付出（还是要求回报）

Level 3 – 付出，希望她感动（还是要求回报）

Level 4 – 付出，希望她让我继续付出 （还是要求回报）

Level 5 – 付出，希望她开心 （还是要求回报）

Level 6 – 付出，她喜欢吗？ （还是要求回报）

Level 7 – 随缘吧。。。你要你来找我吧，要不然我也不想勉强了。

我的回复：

楼主写懦弱男人的帖子，是因为对曾经付出过的男人给失望吧？

其实，男人和女人是一样的，男人能做到的，女人也能，甚至更好。

科学家以证明其实女人，有很多地方比男人强。

摩羯喜欢奉献，但奉献而到不到回报是快乐的吗？我自己也过不了这关。

人生若华太多时间，精力在看别人的缺点，会搞到自己很不开心，失望，悲哀，绝望。

即使真的“赢了”，别人认同你的想法，自己得到什么好处？不是更多的失望，绝望，悲哀吗？

人最大的错误，就是想改变别人，让别人了解自己的付出，想法。其实问题往往不在别人身上，是自己不够慈悲，不够智慧，心胸不够宽阔，付出了，想得到回报。

其实我写给你时，我自己的心结也松开了。因为，我其实和你一样，觉得自己付出很多。也为了解女孩很纳闷。

什么女孩总喜欢，挑战，难以捉摸的男生 （很多网页-包括女生自己都承认有些男生最大的缺点，在于太乏味，容易给女生得到）而对那些，愿意和她沟通，不耍性子，不吊起她胃口的普通男生而失去兴趣。女生自找麻烦吗？我不晓得。

别人的缺点永远看不完的。所以不管是男人，还是女人，如果懂得往自己里面看，不再往外面看（别人的缺点），可能会更开心，更究尽。

这些话，我其实也是在更自己说的。

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=30743&p=689075#p689075

=====

There is another point I would like to highlight. Its not that the younger generation do not appreciate nor are they not grateful. I want to stress a point. I hope the ladies here understand. When you nag at your husband, it still shows that you love him, because the day you stop is also the day you give up. That is why I tell a lot of men, please listen and love your wife more when she complaint or nag. We all have blind spots. True some of us do not have that wisdom or compassion to nag in a wise / kind / constructive way. That is why the wise always say, we should be grateful to our “enemies” for they are the one that taught us many things and build us up.

For Singapore to remain competitive, we cannot remain complacent. Singapore is smart to portray positive images (the law of attraction) Take for e.g. the local media would put Bangkok flood on the front page, but thomson flood at the bottom left (on the same day newspaper). Positive attracts positive. yet at the same time in this positive images, we HAVE become complacent. Like a frog in the well. Many of our youths are not able to compete globally against foreign talents who have gone through much harder hardship. I have an ex-supervisor whom I highly respect for his modest, decent, upright nature. He shared on “Fire-Fighting” is not productive. He said that people will only take notice when something “big” happened, unfortunately by then it is already too late. That is what happened in the recent one-two years. SMRT, flooding, buses, etc. (all which I subconsciously had wished). Not because I want to wish for the worst (like the negative) but I do hope this be a good lesson to us that contentment is good, NOT complacency. To LISTEN. We are not even aware, that Singapore HAS been overtaken in many areas. There are many statistics out there, you can google yourself. The world’s largest number of billionaire are found in China, India, Russia (as well as other countries which we think are behind us). Lets not go into the colour of the money.

Take another good example. I rather my child fail, then to have a borderline pass. I have a primary school friend who was “labelled” to be “hopeless”, last in class, class bully, Mono class student etc. He is now very successful, with a 2nd class honour from a local reputable university, while I the “average” still remain average. My point is we should LISTEN. The day people stop, the day your wife or husband nag, is the day they leave. Lastly, I believe as parents, teachers, we learn from our students and children too. Never be afraid of being too humble or modest.

Yours truly, FusionCat